Not got my Mojo working

20 Jul

Sorry I’ve been away for a while!

I was on holiday in France and then trying to catch up at work / socially when I got back.

So what to report. It’s been a real struggle recently. Black Dog is here and barking at the moment. I’d been planning the holiday with good friends and also (ex) Ms Black Dog and it hit me after a week or so that she wasn’t there. I’m missing both her and the dog as well as the life we had been planning on building together. It kind of sucks that she’s not around. Things generally work out for a reason though and if it wasn’t meant to be then it wasn’t meant to be.

Had a lovely time at Les Stables with the rest of TFN Tri Club though was feeing subdued and couldn’t really sleep. When we moved up to the Vendee I suddenly had way to much time to think and started to really miss her and the Black Dog came running. It’s a funny one as you know you should be really avoiding or ignoring the negative thoughts but they just keep coming and once you start listening then it just spirals downhill to the point where I get paranoid and completely take things out of context. At least now I can vaguely see whats happening and try and keep a lid on it. Luckily my friends are very understanding and I let them know it was coming.

I’m not going to say that it ruined my holiday as it didn’t but I don’t think I enjoyed it as much as I should have done and I didn’t recharge in the way that I would have wanted. There where times where I just wanted to fly home but I’m sure that really wouldn’t have helped. Dislocating my thumb in a minor bike crash coming back to the campsite hasn’t helped either! It’s proving to be a bit of a pain!

I’ve realised a lot of this is about self esteem. This impacts me in a number of areas so I need to start working through them with help from my Counciller and see what can be done and what positive changes I can make.

By the way, go and see the Tour De France, it’s amazing and I have no regrets there. Just wish I hadn’t been feeling the way I was and could have enjoyed it more.

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